What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

What is one thing nice you did for someone today or something they did for you?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Can they start feeding only one meal to prisoners on death row or those doing a life sentence? Because only then will it be real punishment. If they want extra food they can work or pay from their own pocket.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

How can you tell if someone is cunning?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

If James Bond is meant to be the best secret agent in the world, how come all the bad guys in the World seem to know who he is?

TEXT:

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Who's your celebrity crush?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why does the God of the Bible condemn homosexual acts?

Make Nazis afraid again!

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Can anyone or anything overthrow your belief in the Jewish God?

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

How do I get access to a dog for bestiality? I am currently unable to adopt a dog, but I want to know if there are still ways to have sex with one without getting caught.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

If my boyfriend watches porn, does it mean he doesn’t think I’m good enough? If I am good enough, why does he still watch? Am I not beautiful enough?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.